Treadmill Fart

I can handle farts…I mean it is a natural occurrence, everyone does it. If it stinks, leave the area and wait for it to move on or just hold your breath…no big deal. As the individual passing the gas, be respectful; you know you stink get up and do it else where, if they are not pungent …let er rip.

However I had never experienced something as gross as what happened to me this morning let me tell you…..

I hit the CGC every morning after work to get my workout in, usually the place is pretty dead, however this time around the “wellness center” was quite full.

I do my thing with the weights, etc…Then jump on the treadmill for a half hour of what only can be described as mayhem. (ever see a 300lb dude run at 8.0 for 20 minutes you would call it mayhem too.)

Anyways,

All but one of the treadmills were full so I got up and started my routine, tight quarters but no biggie. People started finishing and dying off and by 20 minutes in it was just me and this other dude directly beside me left. I was getting pretty tired and almost contemplating ending my run early, but stubbornness (and a good tune on my ipod) allowed me to keep on keeping on.

Then all of a sudden it came…it wasn’t so bad at first, but then like a wall of stink it hit me. I kept running but had to look around to see if it was a walk by farting or if the guy next to me really had the audacity to pass one off when he knew damn well I had no where to go.

It was just me and him, no one else around and I knew I didn’t let ‘er out, I gave a quick glance in his direction and he wouldn’t make eye contact. He just kept looking straight ahead…fully aware that he was busted and I wasn’t happy. I looked down at his treadmill just to make sure he didn’t drop his guts in the process and I might be required to call for first aid.

It hung around forever and there was no way I was getting off of the treadmill cause I knew I would not be able to get back on to finish my full 30 minutes or 3 miles (whatever came first). I tried to speed up, in what I can only reason to be an attempt to outrun the stench, I didn’t calculate the fact that I was on a treadmill and therefore in a stationary position. Wasn’t actually moving anywhere stupid!

Then I tried to breath out heavier to try and push the fumes away (air circulation is lacking at the CGC-no fans) but that only resulted in me taking in bigger breaths and inhaling the toxic nasty even more.

I almost vomited, actually I think I puked a little in my mouth.

Thank God the smell passed, I stepped it up ensuring I would be done my time before the guy could brew up another one, got off the treadmill and moved to the farthest corner possible and began working myself through the trauma. This pretty much consisted of me sitting down in the fetal position and rocking back and forth.

I tell you, I don’t wish this on anyone…ever. And from now on the treadmill fart will be on my top list of worst things that can ever be done to another human being.

JB